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The Most Frequently Asked Questions On Potty Trainings

When it comes to potty training, parents always have lots of questions. Learning all you can is an important part of the process, and will give you a much, much better chance of success. You’ll be ready to handle what comes… to know what’s a normal part of the process and when you should call your child’s doctor.
Here are answers to twenty of the most basic (and most popular) questions parents ask when they’re gearing up to start potty training.

#1 How long should potty training take?

Teaching your toddler to use the potty isn’t something that happens overnight (or in a day), despite what some methods might claim. While there are children who train in a weekend, the vast majority of toddlers take from three to six months, depending on the child. Some children will take longer. If your child has special needs, is handicapped or has another serious medical condition, the process can (but doesn’t’ have to) take six months or longer.

#2 How do I know when my child is ready?

Not every child will be ready to start potty training at the same age… though between 18 months and three years old is the ballpark most toddlers’ fall into. More reliable than chronological age is to look at your child’s development – and ask yourself…

1. Can he follow simple instructions?
2. Can she understand words that describe the process, such as “pee”, “poop”, “dry”, “wet”, “clean”, “messy” and “potty”?
3. Do his diapers stay dry for 2 hours or more at a time?
4. Does she pee a lot at once?
5. Does he wake dry from a nap, or sometimes even in the morning?
6. Does he have bowel movements at about the same time each day?
7. Can she pull her pants off, or pull them back up?
8. Does he get upset if things aren’t put in their proper place?
9. Does she want to be changed out of a dirty diaper?
10.Does she want to do things herself?
If your saying “yes” to more than half of these, than your little one is likely on the way to being ready. Most experts suggest waiting three months after you start seeing a majority of the readiness signals to begin the potty training process.

#3 Is there a good time of year to start training?

Conventional wisdom has it that training in the summer months is a whole lot easier than in the colder weather. Children tend to wear lighter clothing that’s easier to manage, and spend a lot more time outside (bare bottomed if need be) so that accidents aren’t so damaging. This also tends to be a time of year when parents are likely to be on vacation, so they can be with their children more often — a big help when potty training gets underway.
Having said this, if the calendar is working against you and your child is too young (or too old) during the summer, don’t worry. Lots of children train just fine in cooler weather. Interestingly, experts believe that it’s just as damaging to hold back a child who is clearly ready as it is to push a child who isn’t ready.
Your best chance for success with potty training is to choose a time when you can give your child your full attention and…

You’re not planning a move, a change from crib to “big kid” bed or to take away a comfort mechanism like a pacifier or blanket.

You’re not expecting a baby in the next three months.
It’s not within a month or two of a major holiday, exciting family celebration or a vacation.
You’re not especially stressed due to work or family issues like a serious illness, divorce or the death of a family member.

Just as important as the timing and your child’s readiness is you, and your attitude toward potty training. If you’re stressed and tense, your child will pick up on this. You’ll need to be in a positive, upbeat frame of mind… relaxed and confident for potty training to succeed.

#4 How do I decide what potty training method to use?

There are five popular training methods that you might use to train your child — all with their supporters and detractors. Your pediatrician has a favorite. Your mother, grandmother and best friend all have one that’s worked for them… leaving you overwhelmed by advice and still unsure.
The best way to choose a potty training method it to read up on them all, and decide which one fits your child and your own personal style. Parents who are with their babies all the time swear by the Infant Potty Training method. Working parents tend to prefer either the Child Directed or Parent Directed methods. If you need potty training to be finished by a set date, Potty Training In A Day, or the Naked Child ($75) method might be right for you.
In the end, the best method of potty training is the one you feel comfortable using, that suits your child and that you can apply consistently over several months.

#5 What do I need to have on hand before I start?

These days there is an amazing array of products created for potty training, but the truth is, you don’t need them all. Here’s what you will want to have in the house before you get started.

Potty chair or potty seat – a place for the poop and pee; one for each bathroom in the home
Step stool – to push against when sitting on the adult sized toilet, or to use to reach the sink to wash up afterward
Flushable wipes – for safe, easy cleanup
Stain and/or odor remover
Pull ups or training pants – to reinforce the idea of “big kid” underwear

These are the absolute basics, but like the many baby products out there — specialty items that you might want to consider. There are dolls that drink and wet… monkeys that sing songs… toilet paper rolls that play a message from you… the choices are literally endless.

#6 How can I get my 3-year-old son interested in using the potty?

Children develop at different rates and in their own good time, with boys typically being ready to potty train later than girls. It also takes boys a bit longer too — maybe because they have to learn two steps (sitting to pee and then standing up) or perhaps because the people teaching them don’t have the same “equipment” that they do.
Whatever the reason, don’t work too hard at engaging your child’s interest… he will likely feel it as pressure to start something he clearly is not ready to do. This almost always backfires and makes a child intent on resisting even more determined.
Your best bet is to…

Make the potty available and be sure its comfortable.
Don’t force the issue, remind or nag – tell him when he’s ready the potty is there, waiting for him and leave it at that.
Let your son see you and others in the home using the bathroom.
Let your son play with other children who are potty trained.
Encourage him with gentle reminders about the joys of being a “big kid” that don’t involve potty training… a later bedtime or special outing, for example.
Speak with your pediatrician at your child’s next visit to be sure there are no physical or other problems that could be to blame.

As frustrating as it is for you, resist the urge to do more than this. It might be hard to face down the many well-meaning people who ask about your son’s training progress, but stay strong. Thank them for their interest and assure them that all children learn this new skill in their own good time. And your son will too.

#7 When should I back down?

When your child digs her heels in and is resisting potty training, your best bet is to relent rather than force the issue — especially in a child under three-and-a-half. Bribes won’t work. Nagging won’t work. These things only show your child how badly you want her to do this… and often set up power struggles where no one wins. More often than not, resisting the potty at this age it is the result of a child being pushed to start training before she was truly ready.
If your child is older than three-and-a-half, you’ll want to look at what’s driving this behavior. Ask yourself…

Is it the desire of a young child to control something?
Is she getting some reinforcement from the negative attention?
Have you (or someone else close to her) lost your temper after an accident, forced her to sit, gotten frustrated or punished her?
Is she afraid of the toilet, the sound of the flushing or the bathroom itself?
Is there a physical problem like constipation or a urinary tract infection that is making your child reluctant because of physical pain

#8 What if my daughter will use the potty at daycare, but not at home?

There’s nothing more frustrating (or hurtful) than when your child will do for others what she won’t do for you… and potty training is no exception. Chances are though, this isn’t being done purposefully, but rather your daughter is falling in with the routine at daycare — everyone goes to the potty at the same time, so she’s not singled out or feeling pressured.
For a child under three, you should just be glad she is having some success. Make the potty available and let her know it’s here to use whenever she wants to… just like at school. For a child over three, you might try and talk with her about what is different at daycare to see if you can get some clues about things she might like that you’ve overlooked.

#9 How do we know when to reward, and how big to make the rewards?

Rewards are a great way to reinforce a behavior in young children, but don’t get caught in the trap of needing to offer a tangible reward every time our child’s tush hits the potty seat. A child who is praised and rewarded too freely will have an unrealistic view of success.
Your best bet it to offer simple rewards (lollipop, piece of candy, small party favor or toy), along with lots of hugs and praise as you begin potty training. In the early days, reward attempts as well as successes. Once you’ve gotten your child comfortable sitting on the potty, let him know how proud you are of his progress and up the stakes a bit. This is the ideal application for potty training sticker charts. The reward becomes a sticker that he can apply, and an agreed upon number gets him some larger, more elaborate reward. It can be anything your child enjoys – the movies or a day at the park, a trip to the mall or ice cream with a friend. In time, you can offer bigger, better rewards for staying dry a whole day… then a whole week.
By using an approach like this you’ll help him start to grasp a very important concept — working toward long-term goals brings wonderful rewards.

#10 What do we do when we know our child can use the potty, but she refuses and insists on a diaper instead?

Don’t push your daughter to use the potty if she’s resisting, this will only make her resistance stronger. Instead, you’ll need to do some detective work and try to figure out what’s going on and what’s changed?
You’ll want to think about …

Was she really and truly ready for potty training training?
Has she started a new daycare or playgroup?
Have you moved or had another change in life circumstances such as a divorce or death in the family?
Has a new baby arrived?
Did she have a bad experience training that made her want to avoid it?
Is she constipated or having pain when she pees due to a urinary tract infection?

The best thing you can do in a situation like this is to take a deep breath and just relax. In her own time, and with your patient help and guidance, she’ll get back to using the potty. Offer her lots of reassurance, call your pediatrician if you suspect she’s dealing with a bladder infection or another problem like constipation and allow her the diapers… for now. In time, she will regain the ground she’s lost and it will be like this bump in the road never happened.

#11 Our son sits dutifully on the potty but nothing happens until he gets off. My husband swears this is performance anxiety, is he right?

This very well could be what’s behind the timing of these incidents. Your child could be tensing rather than relaxing his muscles when he sits on the potty chair. This is perfectly normal, and can happen when a child picks up on how very much you want him to be potty trained. He wants to please you… but he just can’t get his muscles to cooperate.
Your best bet is to ease up and act more casual… don’t hover around him. You might want to try offering a favorite book, a small box of “bathroom only” toys to play with, even a tub of warm water and bath toys can do the trick. Once he’s distracted and relaxed, nature will surely take it’s course.

#12 What should I tell my daughter who wants to pee standing up?

You can try to explain to her why this won’t work… but she’ll probably insist on trying it herself. If she persists, let her give it a try. After a few messy attempts, she’ll get the idea and give up on the whole thing.

#13 Should I teach my son to stand or sit at first?

Most pediatricians, and the American Academy of Pediatrics suggest teaching boys to sit first. This helps make the process less confusing (you sit to pee and poop) while they are just starting to learn what to do in the bathroom. Be sure to watch out for potty seats with splash guards, as they can hurt a little boy just where you don’t want him to be hurt. If you use one, have your son point his penis downward before he sits to minimize the chance of injury.
Once your son is reliably trained, and not having accidents, you can allow him to observe Dad or another male in the home to see what standing up is all about. Boys also learn to master this skill by watching other boys their age in daycare or at school. When he’s ready and comfortable, he’ll give it a try.

#14 What can I give to my three year old who’s constipated?

Constipation is a pretty common thing during potty training. Sometimes this can be the result of the child feeling unduly pressured and holding back, but more often than not in children this age, there are other things contributing to this painful state of affairs including…

Not drinking enough water.
Not eating enough fiber, whole grains, fresh fruits and veggies.
Eating too many constipating foods like whole milk, cheese, bananas and white bread.
Not getting enough exercise.

If you’ve tried all this and the constipation persists, talk to your child’s pediatrician. There are gentle, over the counter stool softeners like Senokot, that can be given daily if needed so that you can help keep the stools soft and easy to pass

#15 Could my daughter have a bladder infection?

Bladder infections, also known as urinary tract infections (or UTIs) are probably the most painful, most uncomfortable and potentially most dangerous thing that faces your daughter during potty training. You can avoid these by…

Teaching your daughter to wipe from front to back.
Not staying in soiled underwear or damp, wet clothing.
Choosing cotton, rather than synthetic underwear.

The symptoms that warrant an immediate call to her doctor are:

A need to pee frequently.
Peeing is painful, especially toward the end of the urine stream.
Wetting herself after good bladder control is established.
Has pain in her abdomen.
Feels a sudden, urgent need to pee but little, if anything comes out.

Even with these symptoms, your child’s doctor will want to confirm the diagnosis (and be sure to prescribe the antibiotic that will fight the proper organism) with a urine test in the office. After this she’ll be given antibiotics and told to drink plenty of fluids. Cranberry juice, even diluted, can be particularly helpful.

#16 When can I expect my child to be dry at night?

Bladder control is a little harder to master during the night than it is during the day. At night, the signal from your body that you need to go must be strong enough to wake you from a sound sleep. This usually takes from six months to a year after daytime training has been mastered.
Wetting during the night is not anything to worry about up until your child’s fifth birthday. A child who is unable to stay dry at night after this age, may be one of the 5 to 7 million American children who deal with bedwetting. Much more common in boys than girls, or in either sex if one (or both) of the parents were bedwetters themselves, there are many new products and treatments to help your child stay dry at night.

#17 Are girls easier to train than boys?

As a rule, girls are easier to train than boys – although no one knows exactly why this is. Girls also tend to train faster, and are ready for potty training at an earlier age than boys.
This may be due to the way girls are socialized – they are taught to value neatness and cleanliness. Another factor might be that the primary training teachers are women, who have the same “equipment” and are more readily mimicked by girls than by boys.

#18 Which is better, old fashioned training pants or pull-ups?

This is entirely a matter of preference on the part of the parent.
Some parents swear that super absorbent pull ups keep their child from knowing when something is about to happen – and are so much like diapers many children see no difference. Training pants are distinctly different… in looks and feel. They come in a variety of colors and have the advantage of giving the child (as well as you, your furniture or whatever they are sitting on) the feeling of wetness when something is about to, or has just happened.
In pull-ups defense, they are convenient and a reliable method of protection for those times when an accident would be impossible to manage. The latest versions have features to help your child feel when he or she is about to go so they can get to the potty in time. And they are a great help at night, protecting mattress and child until nighttime training is reliably established.
Choose whichever seems right, or use them both if you wish. Just so long as your child can easily get them on and off, you should be good to go.

#19 What do we say to well meaning friends and relatives who tell us our son should be trained by now?

Smile politely and thank them for caring so much about your child and his development. Though it doesn’t seem like it now, that is a blessing, for both you and your child.
Then, tell them that all children potty train when they are ready and not before. Inform them that pushing a child who isn’t ready or who is unwilling only sets up needless power struggles that delay the whole process. Instead you are reading up on potty training methods, getting your supplies in order and watching for true signs of readiness in your child. He’ll be trained soon enough.

#20 How do I know when I need professional help?

Use your instincts on this one. If your child is…

Over three and showing no interest at all.
Seems especially fearful of the potty.
Is showing symptoms of a urinary tract infection or constipation.
Seriously resisting potty training after three-and-a-half.
Still bedwetting after his fifth birthday.
Has been reliably potty trained and is now regressing.

These are sometimes signs it’s time for some professional help. Start with your child’s pediatrician and if you get no satisfaction, ask for a referral to a pediatric gastroenterologist for further testing. Your child is counting on you to get to the bottom of the problem… and no one else can do it for him.